Nose Goblins

This past Sunday, I noticed something while on my way down the stairs to head out the door for church (It was Palm Sunday, which for Presbyterians is the one Sunday of the year when things get "rowdy." The children look at the proffered palm frond, then to their parents, and look up with thinly disguised glee. "You mean we get to wave these?" Yes. "In church." Yes. But only during specified times. "Aww.").

Anyway, as I was walking down the stairs I noticed two small, brownish objects stuck to the wall, about 1 foot off the ground. Having been a parent for quite a few years (and having been a guy for even longer), I instantly recognized what they were.

I walked into the kitchen and confronted the likely suspect, who was sitting on the floor attempting to put on his shoes.

"Sam," I said, "Are you picking your nose and wiping it on the wall."

"No," he said.

Now, a normal person would be satisfied with this response. But two things clued me off. First, while he was saying this he had his forefinger and thumb inside his right nostril (he's a pincher, not a digger). Second, he was looking right at me. This meant he was lying.

Sam is a masterful liar. I don't know if it's his young age, or some sort of perfect storm of genetics and personality, but he has an almost Clintonian ability to believe that whatever he says is the truth. Even Stephen was not this good (thankfully, Stephen has discovered Guilt, and he has really gone off his game, lying-wise; he still sneaks food like a pro).

Armed with certainty that I was correct, I asked again, "Sam. Do not lie to Daddy. Did you pick your nose and wipe it on the wall."

"Yes," he replied, still pinching and picking away. "Sorry Daddy" (which actually came out "sawee dadee").

End of story, right?

But then Jonah . . .

Now, this has got to be good, right? Anything, any sentence, paragraph, story, anecdote, medical study, whatever, that begins with "But then Jonah . . ." has got to be good. This is no disappointment.

But then Jonah said, "Daddy, I do that too sometimes." Jonah looked and sounded very guilty.

I turned to him and said, "Okay, but please don't do that anymore."

"Okay Daddy, I will. But sometimes my nose gets full and I have to clean it out."